


The Moment You Stop Looking

by quitemagicaph



Category: Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: A lot of Staring, Alternate Universe, Basically A Game Of Where's Waldo But With Bram, Flirty Bram, Friend Group Banter, Gay Panic Simon, I'll stop tagging now, Love at First Sight, M/M, Nick Is Pansexual, Side Leah/Abby Because I Love Canon, They Both Hate Roller Coasters Yet They Meet In One, and blushing, hand holding, i love best friends, kind of, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 09:15:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15838275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quitemagicaph/pseuds/quitemagicaph
Summary: “Simon, you said he was cute.”“He was!”“And you didn’t do anything?”Simon hesitates. “Well, no.”Leah rolls her eyes at him. “You’re useless.”“Hey, I’m not useless."“You kind of are,” Abby fires back.“What was I supposed to do?” Simon asks. “Be like, ‘Oh hey stranger, we’re totally holding hands right now because I thought that was the best way to provide you with some sort of emotional support so as you not die on me on this roller coaster, but what’s your name by the way? I’m asking because I find you extremely cute, not because I’m trying to make the situation more awkward, or whatever.’”(Or; Simon meets Bram while on a roller coaster ride, and they end up holding hands, but he runs away before Simon can ask for his name, so now Simon is stuck having feelings for someone he neither knows who he is, nor how to find him. All he can do is hope to meet him again, somehow.)





	The Moment You Stop Looking

**Author's Note:**

> Look who decided to write after a hundred thousand years!! Wow!! A star for effort!!
> 
> Okay, seriously though. I started this fic back in May when I was exam stressed and needed something to let off all that nervous energy on, but after writing the first three scenes I got discouraged (shocker) so I abandoned it (shocker). But I came back to it during the weekend, and it ended up being much longer than I estimated.
> 
> I guess what I want to say here is that the only reason I came back to this is because the only other simonbram fic I have written, aka my best piece, aka [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13626684), somehow got 10k hits and over 1000 kudos which are SO MUCH MORE THAN MY LOW STANDARDS EVER THOUGHT I'D GET, so consider this a thank you for, like, reading my stuff. And loving it. And leaving such beautiful comments underneath them that I feel like screaming at a wall for ten minutes.
> 
> Also, big thank yous to my bestest friends [nasia](https://twitter.com/starkscarcl) and [konstantina](https://twitter.com/clrysfray) for helping me with this all these months ago. You probably don't even remember this, girlies, but most of it is all you, like always.
> 
> Anyway, this is very long, just get to reading. Enjoy!!

Here’s a fun fact about Simon Spier:

He  _ hates _ roller coasters.

Not because he gets easily nauseous, or whatever. He just hates them. You go up on the roller coaster and you expect it to be an adrenaline-inducing experience yet all it does is make your head spin while you’re desperately trying to somehow  _ not  _ throw up your stomach during the process.

Roller coasters are the devil’s work upon this earth. Simon is convinced about that.

So that’s why he’s having none of it when Abby and Leah try to get him to ride one with them.

First of all; Why would Creekwood High’s carnival have a roller coaster in the first place? Why would a public school spend its little money on setting up an entire fucking  _ roller coaster  _ just for that short week that the carnival would last? They say they lack the money to provide toilet paper for the facility’s restrooms yet somehow there’s always money to waste on a demonic ride.

And second of all; Simon knows he shouldn’t have said yes to this. He should have sat at home, binge-watch a TV show, or something. But Leah and Abby practically forced him to come with them and he said he’d come on the condition that they wouldn’t make him go up on all the rides. They agreed, but now they seem to forget about that condition completely.

And Simon refuses to let the roller coaster experience happen.

“I told you, I’m not going,” he says, for the fifteenth time.

Abby  _ tsks _ and drags Simon by his jacket sleeve. “It’s just a roller coaster, Simon, it won’t hurt you. There was a higher risk of you flying out of the Tilt-A-Whirl while it spinned that there is riding the roller coaster.”

“Okay,  _ that _ ,” says Simon, pointing at Abby, “isn’t a solid fact. You just made it up. But it doesn’t matter because  _ I’m not going _ .”

Leah and Abby share a look. Simon swears he can notice Leah’s judgement in just that one look.

He shrugs. “My condition was that you wouldn’t force me to go up on every ride!”

“And we didn’t! We didn’t ask you to come with us on the Ferris Wheel, did we?” Leah’s reply is instant and Abby is just nodding along to Leah’s words.

“That’s because the Ferris Wheel is the only ride exclusively targeted at non-single people and it was pretty much self-explanatory that I wouldn’t join my two best friends on their romantic Ferris Wheel adventure.”

Leah raises her eyebrows. “Wow. Bitter much?”

Bitter? Simon? About being single?

_ Never. _

It would just be a little bit better if Simon had himself a cute guy to go on cute dates with. That’s all. No bitter feelings spotted here.

“I’m just stating the obvious,” he ends up saying.

“Just go on the roller coaster, Simon,” Abby says, obviously frustrated.

“No.”

“Yes.”

_ “No.” _

_ “Yes.” _

“Leah, take over. I can’t stand him.”

“Simon, c’mon. What do you have to lose?”

“My money? My time? My precious sense of balance for a few minutes after the ride is over?”

Leah is left staring at Simon after that.  _ Good.  _ That’s an argument won, right there.

“Simon. Please. You’re spoiling all the fun.”

“You know you guys can go up on the ride without me, right?”

Abby and Leah share another look. Simon squints at them.

“Well,” Leah says, and stares at the ground. She kicks a pebble with her foot.

“Well what?” Simon notices how awfully suspicious Leah’s behavior is.   
  
“I’m actually  _ not  _ going on the ride myself,” she replies.

Simon raises a brow in question.

“Simon, the last time I went up on a roller coaster I ended up being sick for days. It was a pretty traumatic experience.”

“So you’re basically forcing me to go on the ride for… what reason exactly?” Simon asks, mildly offended.

This argument is ridiculous.

“Abby can’t go alone, can she?” Leah asks, smiling faintly.

“She really can’t,” Abby cuts in.

“You’ve been doing all this for Abby?”

“Yes, she has,” Abby responds. She turns to look at Leah fondly.

Simon has to look away. It’s not like Leah and Abby aren’t a cute couple. It’s that they are a  _ way too cute _ couple. They understand each other perfectly, sometimes with just a look or a single word. They are in perfect sync, and they have each other’s backs even before there’s anything to support each other for. And they somehow never go overboard with PDA. They just do enough so the world can know they’re each other’s girlfriends.

Simon keeps finding himself wishing for something similar to happen to him, as well.

He turns to look at them. They stare back expectantly.

“Were you ever planning to tell me you’re not going up?” he asks, his attention on Leah.

“Yeah,” she replies “just after we managed to convince you.”

“We were trying to pass it off as a fun group experience,” Abby explains.

Simon purses his lips into a thin line.

He hates this.

He hates them.

“Okay, fine.”

“You’re coming?” Abby says, her eyes full of delight.

“I guess.”

Abby and Leah high-five each other, grinning.

Simon stifles a laugh. “I’m just doing this so you can leave me alone after it.”

“Whatever, Simon,” Abby says, “our plan worked.”

“Nick owes me ten bucks,” Leah says. Abby and Simon both turn to look at her.

“What? He was convinced we wouldn’t get him to agree. I told him we would, and he made me bet on it.”

“I hate all three of you,” Simon says, revisiting his thought from a minute ago.

“Aww,” Leah coos, ruffling Simon’s hair. “We love you, too.”

Simon bares his fakest smile.

 

~~~

The line for the roller coaster tickets is relatively small, so Simon and Abby get done with it early. They walk side to side towards the line for the actual ride, with Leah right behind them.   
  
The problem is, though, that said line is approximately five hundred feet long. Without any exaggeration.

The thing about this carnival is that Creekwood High organizes it with whatever funds, and the entire discreet ends up attending. There’s always far too many people than the place can host, yet no one seems to be bothered by it. It’s all a huge mess, but not necessarily in a bad way. The carnival and its happenings end up being talked about all over city for days after it closes.

Admittedly, it’s all fun and games until you actually have to wait in line for the rides. They’ve been in line for more than ten minutes. And there are still a dozen groups waiting ahead of them.

At some point, Abby’s phone buzzes to announce an incoming call. In all the mayhem, it’s impossible for her to focus on what the caller is saying, so she steps away from the queue, nudging Simon with her arm to let him now.   
  
That’s how Simon ends up waiting in line all by himself. Leah stepped away long ago. Though it’s not like he minds. Abby will come back the moment she’s done with the phone.   
  
Which basically never happens, and has Simon worrying.   
  
He turns to the girls, who are now a few feet behind him, yet he can’t catch their attention. It’s a miracle Abby’s eyes look up the minute she drops her phone from her ear. Simon stares quizically. Abby just walks towards him.   
  
“Nick called,” she says. “He just got here, and wants us to go find him.”   
  
“But it’s almost our turn for the ride,” Simon says, frowning.   
  
“We’ll be back in two minutes,” she replies. “Won’t take long.”   
  
It all sounds very weird.   
  
“Nothing’s wrong, right?”   
  
Abby nods quickly. “We’ll just go get pick up Nick’s ass.”   
  
Simon’s scowl vanishes after a second. “Just make it back in time,” he says.   
  
The devil’s ride is simply making him paranoid for no reason. He's just worried the girls won't make it back in time and, since he's forced to go up, it’d be greatly appreciated if he wasn’t on it alone.   
  
Although he doesn’t understand why Nick couldn’t just come to them, instead of the other way around.   
  
But then again, Nick isn’t exactly bright at all times. God only knows how he’s an AP student.   
  
Simon watches Leah and Abby scurry away, maintaining a short distance between them. He’s certain they’ll be back soon. He tries to be. The place is yet to look like a full house.   
  
Soon enough, it does. Because it turns out that the peak of the event is reached past seven. Simon has been in line for a total of twenty minutes (unreasonably too long for a  _ roller coaster _ , of all things), and he swears that in that duration, the density of the crowds doubled. At least.   
  
In a matter of seconds, he starts to panic. The line is moving forward, the carnival is getting messy, and his friends are nowhere in sight.   
  
_ Nice. _   
  
He dials up Abby’s number. It rings, and rings, and rings some more, but then it goes to voicemail.   
  
He calls Leah. Voicemail.   
  
He texts the grouchat:  _ the line is moving forward where are youuuu,  _ and then he waits for the text to be read.   
  
Simon can feel himself sweating through his jacket. He really doesn’t want to go up there along.   
  
He counts to ten. He tries calling Leah again. Then Abby. Still nothing.

Simon won’t lie. The situation looks pretty sketchy.

Why would they abandon him in line for the roller coaster if they’re the ones that were so adamant about him riding it in the first place? Nothing fucking adds up.   
  
He’s worried. And the more time that passes, the more worried he gets.

By the time he starts pondering the possibility of something bad happening to either one of his friends, people are getting out of the ride. And other people are getting in.

And it’s his turn.

The line moves forward before Simon has time to fully process it, and he finds himself across the ride moderator within short seconds.

The moderator looks at Simon expectantly. He brings out his hand so Simon can give him his ticket.

“Oh, no wait, I’m--” Simon fiercely backtracks, “I’m actually waiting on a friend to come too.”

The moderator bores his eyes into him. “You either go up or you don’t, pal.”

Simon scowls, and turns to take one final look at the crowd behind him.

Well. He got himself that far now.

Abby has some  _ serious _ explaining to do.

He gives the moderator the ticket, feeling lightheaded already, and steps towards the ride. Most of the paired up seats are already occupied, but Simon finds a pair near the back that isn’t, so he sits there. He’s thinking of saving the seat next to him in case Abby magically appears at the very last minute, but if she doesn’t then Simon figures he could use the alone time to reflect on all his bad decisions that followed him up to this very stupid moment.

He’s about to relax into his seat, however he can, but he can’t even do that, apparently.

Because a beat after he sits down and starts mentally beating himself up for deciding to come on the ride despite the turn of events, someone speaks to Simon and interrupts his self-hating session.

“Can I sit there?” the guy asks, and Simon looks up at him.

And…  _ wow. _ Maybe he shouldn’t beat himself up, as it turns out.

Before him stands a cute stranger.  _ A very cute stranger _ . He’s all dark skin and long limbs, with curly hair atop his head and warm, brown eyes that glitter when the carnival lights hit them. He additionally looks terrified, to say the least.

“I was kinda waiting for somebody,” Simon says, in the blur of a moment. He’s still dumbfounded over how cute the stranger is, though, because he hasn’t quite realized the words that came out of his mouth. He only does when the stranger turns to leave.

“No, wait,” he says, eagerly. He mentally slaps himself for the  _ eagerly _ part, but it made the guy turn back around, so it worked just fine. “My friend probably bailed on me, actually. You can sit here.”

The stranger mumbles a “thank you” and hesitantly sits down. He still looks terrified.

“You okay there?” Simon asks, not being able to help himself. Come on. The guy’s hands are practically shaking. What else could he do?

“Honestly?” he asks, and Simon nods. “Not at all.”

Okay Simon has to frown at that. He kind of stares at the guy with evident confusion.

The guy stares back. His eyes are piercing into Simons’.

“It’s just the roller coaster that’s making me not okay,” he then explains. He sucks in a deep breath.

“Do you get, like, nauseous, or something?”

“It’s nauseated,” the guy says.

Wow.  _ Okay, grammar police. _   
  
“And yes. Roller coasters do make me nauseated. As do a lot of the carnival rides. And I also have a fear of heights, so it all doesn’t make for a good combination.”

But Simon has to smile. The guy is scared shitless, but he’s somehow cute still.

Cute  _ and  _ grammatical.

“So if you’re afraid of heights, and roller coasters make you  _ nauseated _ ,” extra emphasis on that, “what are you doing riding one?”

“My stupid best friend forced me to do it,” he explains. “I lost a bet I didn’t even want to participate in.”

“A lot of bets lately, huh,” Simon mutters, remembering about Leah and Abby and how they left him up here all alone with a cramping-style-but-cute stranger.

“What was that?” the guy said, looking at Simon. Simon just shrugs it off, and then the moderator stops in front of them to fasten their seatbelts and wind them down to safety.

Simon can feel the guy shuddering with every breath he takes. It makes him pretty nervous as well.

He hates roller coasters himself, he does, but this guy is seriously about to die. That was probably a big bet for him to lose.

Simon has to help. Somehow. He doesn’t know how because there’s a thing with cute guys and Simon’s ability to be a normal human being when with them, but he needs to think of something. And quick, because the machine is about to come to life.

He spares a look at the stranger again. He’s leaned his head back against the headrest, and is currently breathing in and out slowly, with his eyes tight shut.

His side profile is annoyingly perfect. Simon can practically see his eyelashes cast shadows on his upper cheeks.

But then the engine spurs to life, and the roller coaster starts moving along the rails.

The stranger snaps his eyes open.

Screw Simon’s own hate for this crappy ride. Screw all of it. All he cares about now is how he’ll manage to help this guy stay alive until it’s over.

“Oh God,” he says, “I feel like throwing up already.”

And then Simon does something. Or, better, says something. He shocks his own self with it.

“Hey,” he says, “hold my hand, alright?”

And that’s exactly what Simon meant with how he’s not able to keep it together with cute guys.   
  
Who  _ the fuck _ even asks that? But it’s too late now, anyway.

The guy turns to look at him. His eyes are clouded and filled with terror and Simon can tell he’s a minute away from puking all over the place, but his mouth is hanging open with shock.

Yes. Simon doesn’t know where that confidence came from, either. He secretly wishes it never appeared in the first place.

“What for?” the guy asks.

“Moral support,” Simon replies, shrugging. Or at least trying to shrug, him being tied up and all.

He just stares.

“Just do it, okay? I don’t want you dying on this ride. It would make a weird story for you to tell everyone in the afterlife.”

The guy, despite himself, cracks a smile at that. It’s for only a second because then he goes back to worrying, but Simon catches it.

It’s mesmerizing. It has Simon forget where they are for a full second.

When he remembers, he looks ahead to follow the roller coaster rails with his eyes, as they curve up, and up.

“We’re going up,” Simon informs the stranger.

He really needs to know his name. But now is the least appropriate time to ask that.

“You don’t have to hold my hand,” the guy says, eyes fixated on Simon. “I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“No. But I have to be.”

Simon nods at that. It was a very dumb thing to offer. But it’s all the support he can give this guy right now. There’s not much else he can do, especially since they’re strangers.

“Okay. My offer still stands,” Simon answers, smiling kindly at him. 

_ Jesus, Simon. Shut up already. _

The guy is about to try and smile back, but they reach the top of the curve.

And it’s only a matter of time before they speed their way down.

The stranger grabs Simon’s hand, lacing their fingers together, before there’s time for either of them to process it.

 

~~~

The entire ride is a messy blur. But the guy doesn’t let go of Simon’s hand for even just a second.

At first Simon was surprised to hear him  _gently_ turn down the hand-holding offer. The ‘gently’ part, actually. Simon really took a risk with that one. It’s not like the stranger struck him as the hyper-masculine straight guy who would probably jump Simon on the spot once he heard him ask to hold his hand.

But again, you never know with guys.

Then he felt a soft but clammy hand reach for his, and even going the extra mile and interlocking their fingers together and his initial thought was to _ panic _ . Or pull away. Something like that.

He found that holding hands with this particular stranger felt extremely nice, though, and after the first second he was more comfortable, so he neither panicked nor pulled away. Thankfully.

Seconds later, the ride got  _ serious _ .

With every slope they reached with the roller coaster, his grip on Simon loosened, and Simon turned to look at him and make sure the guy savored the calm of those few seconds that it lasted. And he was happy to see he did. Poor him surely needed that before coming down again. Although, those weren’t the only times that Simon checked on him. Truth to be told, Simon snuck in way too many glances towards the guy’s direction. Throughout the entire ride. 

It’s a miracle he didn’t get caught. 

No, scratch that. It’s a miracle this boy didn’t pass out. Or puke everywhere. He looked sickly and Simon was kind of worried. The one time he asked him if he’s okay, the guy murmured a yes which was barely audible and barely said in the first place, and all Simon did after is to remind him to hold on and that the ride would be over soon enough. But then the fucking roller coaster sped up and looped and turned again and made sure everyone screamed from the adrenaline rush, and Simon felt the grip tighten again, noticing the guy’s knuckles going white as he held Simon’s hand. Somewhere in-between everyone’s squeals, he’s pretty sure he heard small whimpers coming out of the guy’s mouth.

This guy sure is brave, though. Managing to not scream full-volume while being on a carnival ride you’re absolutely terrified of requires a lot of will-power. Simon will hand it to him.

And he tells him that right when the ride climbs up the final curve.

“How do you even manage not to scream throughout this entire thing?” he asks. 

The guy just looks at him with tired eyes. “Screaming would crank the awkwardness up higher. We already have enough of that up here.”

Simon frowns in question. “Awkwardness?”

“I’m a 17-year-old guy who needs someone to hold his hand during a seemingly harmless roller coaster ride. I’m pretty sure that’s kind of awkward. And embarrassing,” he replies, sighing deeply to center himself.

Simon laughs at that.

_ He’s adorable. _

“Your secret’s safe with me,” Simon tells him.

But even after that, the guy doesn’t let go. Simon prepares himself for it, waits for it to happen, yet the moment never comes. The guy is still holding his hand, and it’s still a steady grip, despite the heavy silence filling the air around them. Despite the ride nearing to an end.

Simon turns his gaze at him, and he finds the guy already staring.

He smiles a tiny smile, and he’s pretty sure he catches the stranger blushing before looking away hastily.

Whatever that moment was, it’s over soon enough. The ride comes rushing down, and the stranger takes a deep breath and shuts his eyes again.

“Last one,” Simon tells him, in a desperate effort to get him to calm down. And this time, it’s Simon that tightens the hand-grip, before the boy has time to do it himself. “It’s almost over,” he says once more.

The stranger tries to nod. It’s probably to reassure himself more than anything else.

Simon’s right about it being almost over, because mere seconds later, the roller-coaster loses speed and moves slower and slower upon the railing. Simon looks over to confirm that it’s indeed about to stop.

“Aaaand,” he says, dragging it out until the ride fully comes to a halt, “it’s over.”

“Finally,” the guy says, and it’s the most calm Simon has ever seen him look. His chest is heaving, and sweat is shining on his temples, as though he ran the mile.

“Will you be alright?” Simon asks, because he cares more than he would ever admit.

“Once the dizziness wears off, yes,” the boy replies. Simon smiles in response.

That’s when he lets go of Simon’s hand. Simon almost doesn’t expect it. He scowls at the loss of contact.

The moderator gets to their seats to unfasten them, but the moment they’re free to get up and leave the ride, the guy just stands up and almost runs away, before Simon has time to register it.

When he does, the stranger is a few feet away.

“Wait!” he calls out frantically. He then gets up himself and goes after him, but it’s a little hard given the roller-coaster after-effects.

“Hey, wait!” he tries again. But it’s pointless, because he can barely spot the guy’s figure inside the crowd. He loses him completely in mere seconds.

It’s not like Simon expected them to say anything more after coming down. Like, the guy to ask him out on a date, or whatever, because Lord knows he probably isn’t into guys in the first place, but he did hope he could get a name. At least.

He was too cute of a stranger to never come across again.

But that plan failed, obviously, because cute stranger quite literally bolted away, so there goes that.

Simon’s tiny sliver of hope still hangs on the fact that maybe this guy goes to their school somehow. Which is ridiculous, because he himself confirmed that he’s a senior, him being 17 and all, so Simon would have spotted him somewhere in the hallways at least.

But who knows. Maybe Simon is blatantly oblivious to everything that happens to Creekwood High and barely knows anyone who even goes there.

One is sure, though. Simon confirms that fact when making his way through the crowd to try and pinpoint Leah and Abby’s location.

He  _ will _ be looking for this guy. He has to. It’s too silly to say Simon caught feelings for him just over hand holding, but they held hands for too long for them to never meet again. And he doesn’t forget that staring-blushing moment.

Simon needs to see him again.

~~~

He finally sees Abby’s curly head after five minutes of walking around. And next to her stands Leah. And Nick, who is the first to spot Simon while he’s approaching.

Nick lifts his hand to wave at him. But Simon is too busy throwing death stares and Leah and Abby.

“What the  _ hell _ were you doing guys?” Simon half-shouts. Abby gets startled.

Leah quickly proceeds to explaining. “We told you, Nick called, so we went looking for him.”

“Couldn’t Nick just haul his ass to where we were?” Simon asks, pointedly looking at Nick, who just throws his arms up feigning innocence.

"Do you see all this mess of people?” he asks. “I couldn’t even find myself in this crowd, no matter how badly I’d want to.”

“And what makes you think Leah and Abby were more capable of finding you than you were of finding them?” Simon doesn’t even know why he’s so heated anymore. The roller coaster ride wasn’t even that bad.

Although he barely paid much attention on the actual ride.

Nick just stares at Simon. “Two people are better than one?” he suggests.

“Plus, it took us about five minutes to realize where he is,” adds Leah.

“When we saw your calls, it was already too late to try and get back,” Abby says, and her eyes are full of regret.

Yeah. Simon isn’t mad for sure now. It’s not like they willingly dropped him up there by himself. And what actually happened wasn’t far from what he thought.

He’ll keep up the grumpiness though, for theatrical value.  It’s all about drama for a gay theater kid like Simon.

“It was a dick move, guys,” Simon grumbles.

“But did you like the ride?” Abby smiles and her cheerfulness is back in an instant.

“I didn’t,” Simon replies, crossing his arms over his chest. “I told you, roller coasters are for the devil.”

_ Drama. _

“You have to admit it was even just a tiny bit enjoyable,” Leah says.

“How would you know?” Simon smiles wickedly. “You weren’t even up there.”

“Yes, because I’ve never, ever been in a roller coaster before, you’re right. My one chance to ride one was now and I missed it,” Leah deadpans. Which causes Nick to cackle.

“Twenty bucks says Simon ruined everyone’s fun with his petty complaining,” he says.

Simon blinks. “First; stop with the bets.”

“Which reminds me,” Nick then interrupts, pulling out a crumbled ten-dollar bill from his back pocket and handing it to Leah, “I can still hardly believed I lost.” Leah just shrugs and high fives Abby in triumph.

“ _ Second _ ,” Simon says, raising his voice so he can be heard over the hassle, “I’ll have to let you know I wasn’t the only one up there not enjoying the ride.” Extra emphasis on the ‘enjoying’ part, because Simon is full on mocking them at this point.   
  
But nevertheless, the memory of the cute guy makes him smile. He tries to hide it. He fails epically. 

His friends are looking at him curiously now, so Simon just  _ has to _ explain himself. He is practically forced to. Not that he doesn’t want to. But it’s not like he has a choice after all.

“This guy came and sat next to me, and he was absolutely  _ terrified _ . I was sure he was gonna throw up all over me, or something.”

“So there were two people spoiling everyone’s fun!” Nick exclaims. “Duly noted. You and him would make a great roller-coaster-hating duo, I’m sure of it.”

“Yeah, as if I know him,” Simon says, and it comes off more bitter than he meant.

“He was from another school?” Leah asks.

“I have no idea,” he replies. “Probably? I didn’t ask.”

“Wouldn’t you know him if he went to Creekwood, though?” Abby points out.

Simon shrugs. “I guess.” And before he can stop himself, “I mean, he was significantly cute, so I’d have spot him somewhere if he was in our school, I suppose.”

His eyes widen.  _ Shit. _ Abby stares at him with a mischievous glint in her eyes and a playful smirk. Nick and Leah just raise their eyebrows in surprise.

“Wow, Simon!” Abby nudges him. “Significantly cute, I hear?” She and Leah exchange a look.

Simon just rolls his eyes. There’s no going back now. It’s only a matter of seconds before they uncover the hand-holding. He’s already mentally preparing himself for the judgmental glances once his friends realize he spent the roller coaster ride staring at said significantly cute stranger and holding his hand for moral support without even bothering to ask for his name.

“Yeah, well,” Simon tries to cover for himself, “objectively speaking, of course. He was just an overall attractive guy. Don’t get too excited.”

“Objectivellymy ass,” Nick snickers. “He had your inner gay self panicking, didn’t he?”

“ _ Inner _ gay self?” Simon is almost offended. “I’m shocked you would think my full self isn’t gay. Inner and outer.”

Leah lets out a laugh. “He has a point, Nick.”

“You know what I mean,” Nick says. “You guys can’t tell me you don’t think Simon gay panicked at the sight of this guy.”

Abby purses her lips. “I do think so as well.”

“Me, too.” Leah turns to Simon. “So, did you make a move on significantly cute guy?”

That takes Simon aback. “Why would I make a move?”

“I don’t know, because you’re single? Perhaps?”

“Didn’t I just tell you that I don’t know who he is?”

“So what?” Abby asks. “You said he was cute.”

“He was!”

“And you didn’t do anything?”

Simon hesitates, and turns to look at the crowd absentmindedly. “Well, no.”

Leah rolls her eyes at him. “I swear to God, Simon, you’re the dumbest person I know.”

“It wasn’t my fault!”

“Then whose fault was it?”

Simon shrugs, trying to defend himself. “It’s not like the guy couldn’t make a move himself if he wanted to.”

_ Well, _ he thinks. He technically couldn’t. He probably doesn’t even remember that encounter altogether, given how sick he felt. And as soon as he got up, he ran away.

Simon wasn’t the only one who handled the situation poorly.

“You just said, and I quote, that he was absolutely terrified.”

“I was annoyed, and he was terrified. That brings us at the same place.”

Leah sighs. “Did you at least get a name?”

“No.” Simon is quick to continue before they accuse him again. “I didn’t have a chance!”

“Simon, you’re useless.”

“Hey, I’m not useless,” he replies.

“You kind of are,” Abby fires back. She’s pressed her lips into a thin line.

“What was I supposed to do?” Simon asks. “Be like, ‘Oh hey stranger, we’re totally holding hands right now because I thought that was the best way to provide you with some sort of emotional support so as you not die on me, but what’s your name by the way? I’m asking because I find you extremely cute, not because I’m trying to make the situation more awkward, or whatever.’”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Leah says, taking a step back, “You guys  _ held hands _ ?”

No reason for Simon to feel ashamed. He basically asked for his friends’ judgment the moment his brain decided it would be a good idea to hold hands with a stranger. A cute one, too.

“It was to provide support!”

“You asked to hold hands with him and yet it was hard for you to ask for a simple name?” Abby clarifies.

“Damn, Simon, you smooth piece of shit,” Nick smirks, patting Simon on the shoulder.

“Can we please stop talking about how dumb I am?” Simon asks his friends, getting more and more annoyed by the second.

Like, yes, Simon is very aware of his own dumbness as well.

“We’ll only stop when you own up to it,” Leah smiles.

“Fine,” Simon groans. “I was stupid. Are we moving on now?”

“Depends,” Abby says. “Will you see him again?”

“Probably not.”

“You need to, though.”

“I know, but what I don’t know is the way I’m supposed to find him since all I know is how he looks, how old he is, and how  _ soft _ his eyes are,” Simon says, dreamily. Nick just shoves his arm in reply, while Leah snorts.

“We’ll help you out with that,” Abby promises.

Simon would say he’s grateful for their help, but he seriously don’t know how their help will prove fruitful. They’re kind of limited within the borders of their school and Facebook, since neither of them know anyone from other schools of the general area.

But he realizes that it’s what he’ll have to work with. So he just nods to Abby, earning a wink in return.

 

~~~

 

Only that it’s been a week, and Simon has no signs of existence from this guy. He’s starting to believe he made this whole thing up, that his brain was playing games with his single and lonely self, or something.

Simon made it his mission to scout the entire school so as to make sure Cute Guy doesn’t attend Creekwood High. He scans the hallways, he looks a tad closer at everyone in his classes, and he convinces his friends to have lunch in the cafeteria instead of grabbing something out of campus, so he can try and spot the familiar face within the crowds of people.

No luck, though.

“You’d spotted him by now, Simon,” Leah reassures him while they’re sitting in the cafeteria on Friday. “Quit looking around so pointedly. People will start to think you’re a creep.”

“True, and also, I really miss having Chick-Fil-A for lunch so can we go back to doing that?” Nick groans.

“You know Chick-Fil-A donates money to anti-LGBTQ organizations, right?” Simon point out, sighing.

Nick spares a look at their group. His eyes are wide. “But, um, McDonalds doesn’t. Right?” he asks, forcing a smile.

“I’m pretty sure most big corporate companies are ran by truly shitty people. Old white men aren’t exactly famous for their open-mindedness,” Leah says, and it’s more like she’s thinking out loud than adding to the discussion.

“Even those that make all those Pride Month specials, probably,” Abby agrees. “Profiting off an entire community is all fun and games until you realize you have to actively support it to prove your alliance to it.”

“Attagirl,” Leah answers.

“Pride themed stuff is cute, though,” Simon says. “Much to our dismay.”

Nick clicks his tongue. “The only time of the year I can have a shot at finding the pansexual flag on stuff.” Leah looks up at him in disbelief.  “What? It’s rare, but it happens.”

Abby lets out a sigh. “They’re some clever old white men.”

Leah laughs, and Simon does too, until he remembers how this conversation started.

“I guess we’ll go back to giving them our lunch money, however.”

Nick pumps his fist into the air. “School food sucks.”

“Because Chick-Fil-A is far better,” Leah tells him.

“At least it tastes good!”   


Leah completely ignores him, and turning to Simon, she says: “Did you try Facebook?”

“Wasn’t patient enough to do hours upon hours of stalking,” Simon explains. “So, no.”

“Try again,” Abby suggests. “I believe your gay-dar is stronger than any online database.”

Nick cackles. “FBI’s got nothing on you, my man.”

And, okay. Simon has to laugh at that. He’s losing hope, but he’ll try anything. Even if it eventually leads to nowhere. Even if Simon finds the guy, and realizes he was straight all along. Or just not into him altogether.

Simon remains silent for the rest of their lunch period.

 

~~~

 

Facebook turns up nothing as well. No matter how much Simon searches, and how deep into stalking friends and acquaintances he dives, he still can’t find anyone looking like the cute guy. It really feels like he doesn’t even exist. And if he does exist, he must be awfully unpopular.    
  
Or he must not use Facebook.

How possible is it that Simon made him up?

God, imagine the embarrassment if he did actually make him up. His friends would never let him live it down.

One Sunday afternoon, two weeks after the roller coaster encounter, Simon is back to searching the depths of the internet for Cute But Ghost Guy. His research extends past Facebook now. It includes Instagram as well. He managed to find a location tag of Creekwood High’s carnival, and he’s been going through dozens of photos posted from that evening.

Yet, still nothing. He felt like he was close, but it was for no reason.

Simon grabs his phone from the nightstand, and pulls up his and his friends’ group chat to text them.

_ If Cute Guy doesn’t have neither Facebook nor Instagram, what else could he be using? _

Leah replies almost instantaneously.

_ Grindr. Try Grindr. _

Simon considers it for, like, five seconds. Then he hates himself for those five seconds. He texts back three middle finger emojis before sparing the option any more thought.

_ Just saying _ , Leah sends. Abby replies with a laughing emoji.

 

~~~

 

The following Friday marks almost three weeks without any sign of Cute Guy. His friends have mostly given up on him, given the lack of, well, any leads to the case, but Simon hasn’t. He thinks about him. A lot. To the point where he’s convinced it’s getting borderline creepy. Simon is no stalker, but Cute Guy has him feel like one, with the amount of time he’s spent on searching various social media platforms for any signs of this boy’s existence. And whenever he goes out, for lunch, or waffles. or anything, really, his eyes are scanning hastily for the figure he remembers from the carnival.

The following Friday is also a Friday with a house party.

Which Simon refuses to attend. 

He’s starting to realize that a big part of his social life comes from him being reluctant to having any kind of social life to begin with and therefore being dragged to events and gatherings by his lovely friends.

He hates how most of the times said events and gatherings turn out to be fun. Excluding, of course, that one time his dumb self agreed to attend the carnival, because even weeks later, its shenanigans haunt Simon on a daily basis.

It really does feel great when everyone has forgotten the carnival ever happened yet it’s more vivid than ever in Simon’s memories.

Damn you, Cute Guy, with your soft eyes and your soft hands and your completely untraceable identity. Simon was doing just fine before you came into his life.

Anyway. As stated, Simon doesn’t want to attend the house party of this random classmate he doesn’t even know, and this time Leah sides with him, but the two of them are convinced to attend by a strong-willed Abby and a pleading Nick.

“What do you even get out of it?” Simon asks him later, when driving them all to the party. “Why so eager?”

Nick shrugs. “Senior year’s kicking my ass. Plus, most of the team is going and I promised them I’ll go as well.”

“Senior year is kicking your ass?” Leah questions, smirking. “I thought you were taking advantage of your soccer scholarship.”

“Yeah, well, everyone is stressed and I’m stressed by association.”

Simon can’t help snorting at him. But he relates to the feeling.

“After this party you guys are prohibited from asking me to do anything for a month,” he exclaims, turning left on the road.

“You already got the short end of the stick,” Abby replies. “You’re the designated driver of the night. No getting drunk, and everything that entails.”

“Wouldn’t the short end of the stick be  _ not _ being the designated driver?” Simon says with an annoyed tone.

“You don’t even like alcohol!” Abby shoots back.

Simon sighs. She got him there.

“Don’t be so grumpy, man, it’s gonna be nice,” Nick tells him.

“No nicer than any other party we’ve gone to. Same type of repetitive fun.”

“Still nice, though.”

“I guess.”

Nick then smirks. Simon looks at him curiously. 

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Why are you smirking?”

“No reason.”

“ _ Nick. _ ”

“Can’t a man have private thoughts?”

“Not when they’re about me!”

The girls in the backseat have completely given up on the conversation. But their eyes spark up the moment Nick replies.

“I just thought that,” the smirking is back, “maybe your guy will magically appear and make that party even nicer.”

Simon’s entire face goes red after this. He feels slightly dizzy.

_ Don’t swerve the car, don’t swerve the car. _

Leah and Abby whistle and weep from the back.

He gets it together pretty quickly so as to reply.

“Why would he be there?”

Nick fully grins. “Why wouldn’t he?”

“Because he doesn’t go to Creekwood?” Simon made  _ very _ sure of that.

“That didn’t stop him from attending our carnival,” Leah says nonchalantly.

“The carnival was different,” Simon sighs.

They all fall silent. They’re getting close to the house’s address, anyway. Simon allows his mind to drift towards the possibility of running into Cute Guy at the party. Not to get his hopes up, or anything. He just thinks about it. As a viable scenario.

He imagines himself walking around aimlessly, evidently bored, possibly looking for a familiar face to pass some tedious time with, when he sees him across the room. He’s standing there, tall and handsome, busy talking to someone else, and all Simon can see is his angel-like side profile, with the high cheekbones and the sharp jaw that he has a hard time forgetting of. It’s only a matter of seconds before the guy notices him, steading his eyes on Simon, and walking towards him as if in awe. Simon holds in a breath, waiting for him to approach, and--

“You’re thinking about running into him now, aren’t you?” Nick asks, and Simon abruptly snaps out of his daze. It’s honestly a miracle he doesn’t crash the car.

He hesitates a bit before replying. “It’s your fault.”

“Damn, Simon, I didn’t know you were so hung up on him,” says Leah.

“Really now? It’s all he’s been talking about,” Abby replies to her, in evident disbelief.

Simon scowls. “No it’s not.”

“Yes it is,” Nick agrees.

Simon lets out a groan.

See? That’s exactly what the last forced outing did to Simon. That’s what the seemingly innocent and harmless Creekwood carnival did to him. Simon wishes he could go back to the days his frustration was only aimed at him being single and not at him pining after someone he doesn’t know the name of  _ in addition  _ to being single.

He doesn’t have more time to hate himself on it, though, because they pull up in the party’s driveway, which is already flooded with cars. The house towering over them looks as alive as ever, with loud music coming out of it and people walking in and out.

They all get out, and when heading in, Abby grabs Simon by the arm, and whispers to him.

“You know, I’m all for finding your cute guy, and everything, but don’t let that spoil your fun, okay?”

Simon furrows his brows at her. “What do you mean?”

“I do believe you’ll find him again. Sooner or later. But in case you don’t, I don’t want you looking back and wishing you were more in the moment instead of longing after the possibility you run into a stranger again.”

Simon has a bad feeling pitting at the bottom of his stomach. “I am in the moment.”

“Maybe you are,” Abby answers, “but I’m just reminding you. I want you to be happy, Simon. Don’t worry your brain too much.”

Simon momentarily ponders it.

“Not to mention,” Abby says again, smiling, “you’re more likely to find something you’re looking for, the moment you stop looking.”

Abby’s words leave Simon confused all night.

 

~~~

 

When they all pile up in the car to head back, Simon is still deep in thought. And the silence in the ride makes it easier. His three friends didn’t drink enough to get wasted but they all feel at least a little drowsy.

He didn’t run into Cute Guy at the party. Obviously. Simon was stupid to think he would.

He guesses what Abby meant was that Simon is getting too obsessed with the idea of the guy. He doesn’t know him, and he didn’t have the time to get to know him on the short duration of the roller coaster ride, either. For him to be thinking so repeatedly of someone he doesn’t know, is, in fact, odd. He understands Abby’s concern on that.

Yet it’s like… Simon rarely gets so starstruck with guys. Yes, there’s always that boy he’ll be unable to stop staring at when he’s waiting in line at Starbucks, and there will always be that one passerby that will have Simon’s jaw on the floor just because of how attractive he is. But all those people, he forgets shortly after. They come and go.

It’s different this time.

They barely said two words to each other, yet they held hands. Hesitantly, but they did. Even if the occasion wasn’t exactly romantic. And at the end of the day, Simon is sure that a guy who didn’t find him in any way cute or somewhat attractive wouldn’t stare and then _ blush  _ when Simon’s eyes met his.

There’s neither a heterosexual, nor friendly explanation for this.

But then again, Simon is notorious for overthinking. And seeing things that aren’t there.

All he knows for now is that he probably needs to let go of the hope he has for meeting Cute Guy again. It’s getting pointless. It’s been three whole weeks, for fuck’s sake.

Half an hour later, Simon’s in his bed, under the weight of his duvet, scrolling down his Instagram feed. He managed to get away with his mother’s endless questioning earlier than usual, much to his delight. He wasn’t in the mood for talking. For evident reasons.

The only thing he sees on his feed are photos from the party. It didn’t go on for long after they left, which he assumes is good. His classmates appear smiling and happy, tipsy from alcohol, making it easy to tell what a great time they had.

And all Simon can think of is what a great time he didn’t have, because of his busy brain. During the hours they spent at the party, he was either scanning the room for someone in particular, or thinking of him. What he could be doing at the time. Whether he likes parties. Whether he thinks about Simon at all.

The next minute Simon’s mind would be flooded with Abby’s words on repeat.

Maybe he wasn’t in the moment, after all.

Simon turns off his phone and wills himself to sleep.

He feels more sure than ever that he has to let go of the stranger.

 

~~~

 

 

_ Two weeks. _

It’s been two, full weeks since the party, and Simon barely thinks of Cute Guy. It’s been more than a month after the carnival, as well.

Okay, that shouldn’t really be considered an accomplishment. It’s more of the sane, moral thing to do. But Simon is proud of himself nevertheless.

It’s not that he has completely forgotten about him. Or that he doesn’t sometimes lay in bed thinking that it would be  _ really cool _ if he actually knew and dated this guy. He bets kissing him feels heavenly.

Simon just tries not going there anymore. Whenever his thoughts drift towards brown eyes he forces himself to get serious, and so he stops. And whenever he’s with his friends and they mention something that reminds Simon of the carnival, or the roller coaster, or just  _ him _ , he’s going to get sad, but he’ll only allow it for a few seconds.

Even then, though, his friends are extra careful on the subject. Not like Simon’s going through a heartbreak, or whatever. But it was a bizarrely sad thing to happen, so.

For what it’s worth, Simon has gone back to using Facebook in a normal, not obsessive way and floating his way through senior year. He was surely forced back to the cruel reality the minute his parents reminded him that he needs to narrow down his list of colleges to apply to.

So that’s what he’s been doing. Like the carnival never happened. If it did happen, it simply didn’t have an impact on him.

And just because Simon’s neck deep into the school spirit lately, more than usual, at least, it was mandatory for him to agree to attend Nick’s soccer game. It was the girls that were reluctant about going, this time. But Simon promised them waffles before the game, so they agreed.

Don’t ask why Simon was so keen on suddenly caring about soccer.   


Let’s just say soccer players’ calves are nice to look at. And admire from a distance.   
  
Especially when you’re trying to not think about someone in specific.   
  
But Simon isn’t thinking about him anyway. Right?   
  
When it’s time for them to drive to school after their stop at Waffle House, Simon realizes what a big mistake it was to attend. Because the closer they get there, the more crowded it is.

“We’ll never find a parking spot,” he groans. Leah, who called shotgun the moment they paid for their waffles and got up to leave, looks mortified to say the least.

“Why are there so many people this time?” she mumbles.

“Playing the rival school always causes  _ this _ mess,” Abby says, using one hand to gesture around the general area of the parking lot.

“See, that’s the problem,” Simon exclaims. “I didn’t even know Creekwood had a rival school.”

“It’s only rival for the soccer team just because theirs is better than ours,” Leah explains and Simon looks perplexed.

“Why do you know that?”

“She’s a closeted soccer fan,” Abby smirks, and Leah shoots her a look.

“I just happen to be the only one who doesn’t zone out whenever Nick is talking soccer.”

Simon thinks about it for two seconds. “Fair enough.”

“Nick talks soccer way too often. It’s only logical to stop listening after a certain point,” says Abby, to save herself.

“You guys are just bad friends,” Leah replies with a tiny smile.

She earns two shoves for that. One from Simon, one from Abby.

The problem, though, is that it’s been ten minutes of them driving around without being able to park anywhere. And it doesn’t help how a bus just arrived and closed off an even bigger portion of the area. Probably the other school’s team, he thinks.

Simon just backtracks the car and exits the lot in frustration.

“Wait what are we doing?” Abby questions.   
  
“I’ll see if we can park somewhere else because it’s getting mad in there,” he replies. “Hopefully not too far from here.”

And the moment he says it, he finds an open spot. Barely a minute from the school, at the side of the road. Simon leaves out a relieved sigh. 

Parking is so stressing. Driving, too.   
  
They all jump out the moment Simon twists off the engine, and walk towards the school. When they get there, the last of the “rival school’s” players are heading in, and Simon doesn’t see anything but white shorts and long legs.

But there are so many people. So, so many people. It’s in a matter of seconds that Simon, making his way through the crowd, loses Abby and Leah. Again.

Last thing he knows is that they were walking behind him. Then he turned around to make sure, and he couldn’t see them anywhere.

This is starting to remind Simon all too much of the last time he was alone in a crowd of people frantically looking for his friends.

Dark, dark times. Simon tries not to go there.

Then a thought strikes Simon, right where he stands.

_ No. Absolutely not. _

He  _ won’t  _ spend the entire game looking for him. He won’t.   


He’s here to support Nick. And his school. He won’t let a could-had-been ruin another event he was supposed to attend and enjoy.

Simon is past that. He's made progress on it. He won’t find the guy. And even if he did find him, it’s not like he would be able to stir up conversation with him. It would be far too awkward. Chances are, the guy doesn’t even remember who Simon is.

It’s pretty funny though, because, for a possibility Simon didn’t want to consider, he’s very much considering it right now, and he’s zoning out.

He’s trying to spot Leah or Abby in the mahem, yet he’s zoning out.

And, as expected for a guy who doesn’t know where he’s going, he bumps into someone.

Wait, no. He doesn’t just bump into someone. He full on shoves them. Hard.

Simon is instantly filled with guilt, and he’s about to mumble out a string of apologies to the person he fell on, but he immediately stops on his tracks the moment he lifts his gaze.

It’s only now he notices who the other person is.

It’s only now he realizes it’s the person he’s been looking for all along.

Simon almost forgets how to breathe.

He doesn’t even move, he just stands there and stares at the guy. He’s dumbfounded. Astounded. Flabbergasted. He’s every word the dictionary has to describe a state of shock.

And the guy looks just as shocked as Simon does.

It’s really him. The cute stranger with the brown eyes which are 98% less terrified now and the curly hair and the brown skin, and who, Simon realizes, is slightly taller than him. He’s wrapped up in a dark blue hoodie, with his school’s soccer shorts underneath.

A soccer player. From the rival school.

Simon feels like someone is messing with him.

He also feels like he needs to say something. The silence ticking by is getting weird.

But he can’t get any words out. He can’t do anything. It’s like his eyes are focused on looking at the guy, and the rest of the world blurs away while time stops completely.

It’s like all the time he’s been looking for him, all the searching on the web and the stalking and scanning of public places and events, has been leading up to this. He had no idea whether he would find him again, and what place he could find him at, but that’s it. No more searching. No more overthinking.

Because he is here now.

And Simon found him just when he stopped looking.

Or maybe they found each other.

“What?” the guy says, and Simon snaps back to reality.

He stares some more. He tries to get his brain to work again.

“I--” he breathes out, “It’s you.”

Cute Guy scowls. Simon finds it adorable. But then he realizes he has to be more elaborate than that.

“From the roller coaster,” he says. “You sat next to me.”   
  
“What roller coaster?” the guy asks. Simon feels his blood go cold.   
  
“We sat together on the rollercoaster of my school’s carnival. You were, like, super nauseated and I kept asking you if you were okay.”   
  
_ Nauseated. _

But anyway, let’s leave out the hand holding detail for now. The guy looks very lost already.

“I’m sorry,” he replies, shaking his head. “I don’t recall.”   
  
Oh.   
  
Okay.

There’s no reason to get upset. There’s no reason at all.

Simon knew it. Obviously.

How stupid he was, obsessing over someone that is now confirmed doesn’t remember him.

What is this? A cheesy rom-com? As if Simon, of all people, would get to meet his soulmate on a carnival ride and fall in love with him and live happily ever after. Meet-cutes are only for fiction. This is real life. And Simon acted like the lead in a new-wave, gayer Cinderella movie.

Peak Simon Logic. He can’t wait to tell Leah, Abby and Nick how well his Cute Guy story ends. They won’t even laugh at him, they’ll feel too bad to do so. And that’s even worse.

“Oh,” he manages out. “It’s okay, maybe it was someone else.”

The guy only stares. Simon can practically hear his heart shattering.

“I’m so sorry I, uh, fell on you. And for this,” he says finally, gesturing around, and turns to walk away.

As he does, he hears a muffled giggle. 

He turns back.   
  
It’s the guy that’s giggling. A lot, actually.   
  
Why the hell would he be laughing? Simon didn’t know that the sight of his heartbreak could be so hilarious.   
  
He knits his brows together. “What’s so funny?”   
  
The guy tries to pull it together and stop, but he can’t.   
  
“Stop it!” Simon asks. He feels humiliated.   
  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he says.   
  
Simon flails his arms up in despair. “What is going on?”   
  
“It’s Simon, right?”

Wait.

_ What? _

“What?”

“Your name. Simon, isn’t it?”

Huh?

“Why would you know my name?”

The guy smiles. A little blush tints his cheeks. “Oh, believe me, I did a lot of digging to learn it.”

Simon is left gaping at him. He feels like he’s being played.   
  
The guy takes a step closer to him. The parking lot has started to clear out as everyone heads inside.   
  
“I was just messing with you,” he says. “Of course I remember you.”   
  
Simon is so baffled. So irreparably baffled. But the guy speaks again.   
  
“We were on the roller coaster that my dumb friend forced me to ride, I was scared to death, you were worried, so you held my hand.”   
  
“You remember all that?” Simon asks, because, what was that word again? Oh, of course. Because he's  _flabbergasted._

Another smile. “Of course. As soon as I got out I couldn’t remember what had happened because my brain was mush but after a few minutes I was like,  _ oh shit _ .”   
  
“They why did you act like you didn’t know me?” Simon says, and his voice comes out louder than he intended. He doesn’t know whether it’s because he’s relieved or confused beyond repair.   
  
“Because you looked really cute trying to understand what’s happening.”   
  
And… okay. Simon is blushing.   
  
Cute Guy knows his way with words, as it turns out. Who would have thought?   
  
“What if I just--” Simon wonders, “turned my back and left? And you didn’t start laughing? You wouldn’t say anything?”   
  
“Oh, I would say something anyway,” the guy explains. “The laughing was the only part that was unexpected.”   
  
Simon wants to laugh too now.    
  
Why can’t he have a normal encounter with this guy for once?   
  
“I have another question,” he says eventually.

The guy sighs theatrically. “You’re full of questions, aren’t you? Your Facebook profile didn’t warn me of such.”

Simon takes a step back. “Well, you’re the one that’s causing all these questions, alright?”

He physically can’t stop himself from smiling.

Then he asks, “Why did you run away like that? When we got out of the ride?”

The guy’s expression immediately changes. “Oh, right. I actually wanted to bring that up as well. You see, I was evidently feeling sick, but the moment the ride stopped I wanted to throw up, so I just ran before everyone witnessed a sketchy-looking kid puke everywhere.”

And Simon laughs. He can’t help it. It’s probably rude, but he really can’t help it.

The guy laughs too, though.   
  
“You could at least let me know,” he says, after cooling down. “Really had me wondering whether I was that unbearable.”   
  
The guy blushes again. There’s a lot of blushing with him, but Simon decides he loves it. And it rubs off on him, too. “You? Unbearable?” he asks.   
  
Simon shrugs.   
  
“You’re far from, to be honest.”   
  
God, is it possible to fall in love in less than ten minutes?   
  
Because if it is, then Simon has. Definitely.   
  
But then something dawns on the guy. He looks mortified.   
  
“Wait, you’re gay, right?”   
  
“What?”   
  
“I didn’t get that wrong, did I?”

Simon doesn’t expect that kind of question. He doesn’t know what puzzled him, but it takes him a couple of seconds to nod in agreement.

“Oh. Yes, yes. I am gay. Obviously.”

Cute Guy giggles. “Obviously?”

“Do you know many straight guys who would be willing to hold another guy’s hand while on a roller coaster?”   
  
He shrugs. “You could be one of those ‘no homo’ straight guys.”

Simon shakes his head. “Nah, I could never. I’m too gay for this.”

They both laugh. Simon realizes they should probably go inside soon. They still have plenty of time before the match, since Simon and the girls got here early enough, but there’s nearly no one left walking around out here.   
  
Before he hesitates, Simon asks one more thing.   
  
“So,” he says, and it feels silly on his tongue, “What is even your name?”   
  
“Oh,” the guy replies. “It’s Bram. I don’t know why I assumed you already knew it.”   
  
“I tried to know it, actually,” Simon explains, “but I couldn’t find you anywhere. I was starting to be convinced you were a figment of my imagination.”

The guy laughs. No.  Simon corrects himself.  _ Bram _ laughs.

Bram Bram Bram.   
  
“Well, I’m real,” he says.   
  
“Thankfully.”   
  
Simon figures he can’t hold back when it comes to him.   
  
But they both know they have to get going.That’s why Bram asks what he does.   
  
“Do you, um, have your phone on you?”   
  
“Yeah, why?”   
  
“Just hand it to me, you’ll see.”   
  
Simon does. Shortly after, Bram speaks again.   
  
“What should I save my number as?”   
  
Simon raises his eyebrows at him.   
  
“My contact, you idiot. Should it say just Bram, or?”   
  
“Uh, just Bram I guess.” 

The thought of him having Bram’s phone number has his heart fluttering a bit. He hates to admit it. And then he wonders why he does.

Bram gives him his phone back. “I also texted myself so I’ll have your number as well.”   
  
“Great,” he replies.   
  
Bram offers him a half smile. Simon does too. 

Then he gets worried. “We’ll meet again, right?”

The half smile turns into a full grin. It’s like the world lit up for Simon. “Yes, of course. We’ll go on a date.”

So this is serious. This isn’t even friendly. It’s actually happening. In a romantic way.   
  
Simon tries not to scream.   
  
“What kind of date?” he questions.   
  
“The one farthest away from a roller coaster,” Bram laughs.   
  
“Damn it. I was really hoping on a round two.” It’s sarcastic, by the way.   
  
“Sure. If you want me to throw up on you, that is.”   
  
Simon giggles, then he scrunches his nose. “Yeah. Let’s not do another roller coaster. I don’t even like them, anyway.”   
  
“Really?”   
  
Simon nods.   
  
“It’s quite funny how neither of us likes roller coasters, yet we met on one,” Bram points out.   
  
“We just have really shitty friends, I guess,” Simon replies. 

Oh, right. His friends.

“Speaking of which, I really need to go find mine,” he says after a beat of silence.   
  
“Of course, and I should meet up with the team,” Bram nods.   
  
It’s obvious they need to go, but neither wants to. They just stand there, looking at each other. It’s until they start walking inside that Simon fully realizes they’ll part again.   
  
He knows it’s ridiculous, but he feels sad to say goodbye. It’s not like they would meet again and confess their undying love to each other and kiss and ride off into the sunset together, and whatnot, but Simon wants more time with him. They’ll meet again, Bram technically asked him on a date, but Simon wants even more time. The 24 hours a day has are probably not enough either for him.   
  
Just before they finally go their separate ways, Bram stops. And Simon does too.   
  
They look at each other. Simon wants to gush over how uniquely brown Bram’s eyes are.    
  
He feels like writing sonnet after sonnet for him.   
  
Then his brain kinda whispers to him. Simon mentally smacks himself. 

_ It’s too soon.  _

_ We haven’t even gone on an actual date yet. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ He’ll think it’s too weird. That I’m too weird. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Or that I’m too desperate. _ _  
_ _  
_ “Simon?”   
  
He looks back up. “Yes?”   
  
He’s not going to lie, he kind of loves how Bram says his name. He makes it sound special.   
  
“You okay there?”   
  
“Yeah, why?”   
  
“You looked a little conflicted.”   
  
Well, he was. Bram obviously noticed.   
  
Simon’s still trying to shut up his brain, though. And the more seconds that pass by, the more he feels like going against his logic.   
  
He should just ask. He has nothing to lose. He was brave enough to ask Bram to hold hands with him all those weeks ago, so why hold back now? The universe brought them back together when Simon wasn’t expecting it, so he needs to take advantage of that.   
  
He might seem weird, or desperate, and Bram might cancel the date altogether, but it’s worth that risk. Simon’s imagination has been wilding way too much about this.   
  
He takes a breath. And he just asks.   
  
“Would it be too odd if I kissed you right now?”   
  
Bram gasps at that. And Simon is convinced he made a mistake.   
  
He wants to launch himself into an endless circle of self-hatred and apologize about sixty four times to Bram for making this entire situation weirder than it already was. It’s only fair. He can’t seem to learn.   
  
“I’m sorry,” he starts to say, “I--”   
  
“Wait, wait, wait,” Bram then interrupts. “You didn’t give me time to answer.”   
  
He didn’t give Bram time to answer because he wanted to avoid complete and utter humiliation, thank you very much.   
  
Bram was well on his way of rejecting him.   
  
_ Wait. _

Bram is stepping closer.   
  
Simon can hear his heartbeat. It’s a loud thumping that almost overpowers the noise everyone in the soccer field is making.   
  
Another step closer. Simon holds his breath.   
  
And then there it is; feather-soft and light, almost hesitant. Simon’s eyes fall shut, and it’s like he’s dreaming.   
  
It’s not an urgent kiss. It isn’t passionate. It’s far for making out. But it’s sweet, and it’s slow, and Simon never wants it to end. He doesn’t even care that people might be staring. He gives approximately zero fucks about who sees them.   
  
Much to his disappointment, the kiss does end, and so he snaps his eyes open.   
  
He won’t lie. He got dizzy. Bram kissed him and suddenly Simon’s life span got extended by three years.   
  
Because, spoiler alert: it was far better than anything he ever pictured.   
  
Bram steps back, and presses his fingertips against Simons’.   
  
“We’ll talk,” he says, smirking. And then he runs away.   
  
Simon is just left there. Speechless. In his mind, he’s still kissing Bram.   
  
Until his phone buzzes in his hand, and he remembers that he basically abandoned his friends.   
  
It’s Leah calling.   
  
“Did you get lost?”   
  
Simon tries not to smile. “No. Why?”   
  
“Where  _ the fuck _ are you then?”   
  
“I-- Uh, it was just very crowded I got caught up in it,” he replies. He’ll keep the details to himself for a few more minutes. “Where are you guys?”   
  
“Up on the bleachers, usual spot,” Leah replies, and Simon takes forever to register that they do actually have a usual spot, which is near the front.   
  
Leah hangs up, and before Simon locks his phone to put it in his back pocket, he notices that Bram had left their text thread pulled up from before.   
  
Simon stares at the screen.    
  
Bram’s contact name reads ‘Just Bram’.   
  
And the text he sent says:  _ all because we held hands on a demonic roller coaster. _   
  
The only thing Simon can do is grin like crazy.

**Author's Note:**

> Nothing to add here, I just hoped you all that read it loved it, despite it being way overdue, and long after the simonvs/love simon hype. All hail Simon and Bram, the couple of the century!
> 
> A huge thank you again, for providing me with so much love. I got out of my writing block because of y'all, so it's a pretty huge deal for me.
> 
> If you guys want to talk, or whatever, you'll find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/angelaristotles) and [tumblr](http://awkward-silence-bram.tumblr.com/). Even though I rarely go on tumblr anymore.
> 
> Have a great day!!


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